This past weekend, I had a moment that everyone has. Nothing looked good on me, my makeup wasn’t working, I didn’t have shoes that worked with my outfit, my outfit wasn’t ideal, my list goes on and on. I sat in my room looking in the mirror as I started doing my makeup for the THIRD time that night and kept asking myself why I was putting myself through this torture if I wasn’t feeling it. Was it for me? Was it for my friends? Was it for a guy? I kept doing my makeup and I still couldn’t figure it out. The night went on and I took some pictures for the gram (pictured below). And, even though I was mildly under the influence of my good friend Franzia, I knew I looked good. But even though I knew it, I didn’t feel it. When I walked into the party all of my friends were praising me and telling me how good I looked, and I played along, but in reality, I didn’t feel it at all.
A few days have gone by and I can’t stop thinking about the reactions I got from some people. As a self-proclaimed confident person do I need to be “on” at all times? After I posted the pic I texted two of my best friends and said: “please comment, my self esteem is trash rn.” I didn’t realize it until the next morning, but my friend Cassie asked if I was okay. When I originally got the text I assumed she was asking if I was alive because I hadn’t texted in about 45 minutes, but she was actually asking if I was mentally okay. This was the first time in a while that I had voiced and confirmed my insecurities.
This was on Thursday night, now it’s Monday morning, and after listening to two Demi Lovato Albums and a couple interviews (in preparation for her concert tonight) I’m realizing that you don’t have to be confident 24/7. While there’s nothing wrong with being confident and loving yourself, it is 100% natural to get down on your self occasionally and want confirmation of your beauty. After a bunch of comments, more likes that I could’ve imagined, and staring at the photos for a lot longer than I’d like to admit I truly LOVE those pictures. All insecurities from that night are washed away.
I realized I kept getting ready that night so that I would get compliments and attention. I wanted to make my feelings of not being attractive be invalid. And that’s okay. Loving yourself and hyping yourself up all the time is exhausting! It’s okay to fish for compliments. Everyone does it, and everyone deserves it. It’s foolish to think that we can throw all of our insecurities out the window in today’s society. We’re all working slowly at throwing them out, but sometimes they boomerang right back in our face.