Celibate and the Suburbs Episode 1

One of my favorite TV shows is Sex and The City, I want to live my best life as the best combination of Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda. Unfortunately, my love life is nonexistent, so I give you: Celibate in the Suburbs. I don’t live in the city, and my love life is in the toilet, so I really can’t think of a better name.

In this first episode, we will be diving into an evaluation of the first messages I received from several boys on Hinge. Let’s dive on into the weird life of me:


Alright, cool, let’s open with a compliment, totally down for that! Okay got weird with the nationality, and then he calls me unique? Which I guess is cute? I think? I honestly don’t really know how to feel about this message. All of me just wanted to respond with “American,” I’m really unsure why I didn’t. I ended up messaging with his guy for a little bit and found out he had just bought a house and was previously engaged, which stressed me out because I still sleep in a twin size bed…


As far as bad pickup lines go, this is at the top of the list no doubt. Sure, let’s make a pun out of my very average name, that’ll really get my attention! Except it did get my attention because I responded and kind of found it endearing… Send help I just like attention.


I love my freckles and I love compliments so this is a fun one. He then asked about why I wanted to go to Chili’s for a first date (a little background, on my profile I said my ideal, first date was CHili’s because no lie, it kind of is). But then I think I scared him off with my love of Chili’s… It wasn’t meant to be I guess.


And we have another call back to Chili’s being in my profile. If you follow my finsta, this is the infamous Blair who is the reason for the start of this serious. Blair, oh Blair, you are my muse. He is the reason I decided to share my awkwardness, and you get to laugh at my embarrassing flirting skills. Update on Blair: He is a shitty texter I think? He just takes forever to respond which is not my style because I need someone to be at my beck and call at all times. Also if for whatever reason Blair, you are reading this, sorry not sorry? Take this as a compliment? kk thanks.


This was a BOLD move on this guys part. First off, I’m most likely not going to go on a date with some that I meet off a dating app if their opening line is asking me out. I need to chit-chat with you for a bit first, make sure you’re not a serial killer. I need to asses your thoughts on Chili’s and make sure you get my sense of humor. So yeah, didn’t respond to this one.


Easy opening line, requires a response. So I respond… and he doesn’t even message me back. Thank U, Next!


Another compliment, another day my head gets bigger. He never messaged me back though sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Single Sarah reigns supreme once again!!!!!!!!!!

Alright folks, this one was a quickie, but stay tuned for future installments of Celibate in the Suburbs from your favorite single gal.

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