Emergency Blog Post: Nick Jonas is Married and IDK How To Feel

This is an international emergency ladies and gents. The world is falling apart and idk what to do with myself. My life is over. I’m dying. My heart is broken.

Nick Jonas is off the market.

I don’t know why I didn’t think this was going to be a bigger deal to me before today, but I’ve been having a hard time this morning with all of these photos. I’m very torn between crawling into bed and blasting When You Look Me In The Eyes on repeat and crying and also being so full of love and happiness for the two of them. Definitely more the former. I’m so shook. These photos are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Schmidt and Cece are shaking in their boots. I don’t know how to deal with it. The red sari is truly the most gorgeous piece of clothing ever made. No one can ever get married after this because no bride will ever be as beautiful as Priyanka Chopra in her red wedding sari.

The fucking Vogue photo shoot with the stupid ass glitter Vogue logo hurt me in ways that I’ve never been hurt. Let me tell you, I’ve been stood up, I’ve been ghosted, I’ve been rejected, but I have NEVER felt heartbreak like I did when I saw the gif of Nick and Priyanka ALMOST kissing. The first thought that went through my head was “they definitely have the hottest sex in the world” and the second thought was “I will never know love like this” and the third was “why the fuck is this allowed on the internet, I’m in pain.”

I was listening to KFC Radio this morning and they were talking about how watching your ex get married is a not so great feeling, but can you imagine being a 20-something-year-old girl and watching Nick Jonas and Justin Bieber get married within months of each other? Nick Jonas has been the love of my life since before he even hit puberty and I just had to watch him get married to the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m expected to carry on like life is normal!?

What shook me the most is that Nick likes brown girls. WHY AM I NOT THAT BROWN GIRL?!? I just, I can’t. I should’ve taken a PTO day to mourn today. I truly don’t know how to carry on.

To everyone who loves Nick Jonas as much as I do, I am so sorry for your loss. We’re in this together folks. We’ll get through this.

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