An Ode To The Dad Sneaker: Why?

I’m not going to pretend I understand the male gender, but one the most mystifying things to me is their sense of style. I know that guys judge girl’s style frequently, but what’s on trend for guys almost always look like trash. I mean can we talk about that brief stint last year where holed t-shirts were all the rage, but the plot twist was that they COST SO MUCH MONEY? I’m sorry but what? It looked like the collective closets of white boys everywhere were attacked by an army of starving moths.

Nothing irks me more than the dad shoe trend though.

Image result for dad sneakers

It’s literally in the name. “Dad Shoe” is nothing that should ever be on trend.

Image result for reebok dad shoes

I also don’t like “Mom Jeans” in case you were wondering.

Dad shoes make you look 10 years older, your feet look smaller, and like you’re too busy coaching your 7-year-old’s little league team to spend time with me.  

I know a lot of girls have Daddy Issues, but let me tell you, dressing like my dad on the way to coach my t-ball team circa 2001 is not the answer to getting laid. I love me a good DILF but a DILF, by definition, is a hot dad that I would like to bang, in no way does a hot dad wear the same chunky ass Reeboks as my grandfather. ((For reference, Papa has a bitchin style, it just should not be recreated on anyone under the age of 75.)) Hot dad’s range from Silver Fox to the late 20s something that got shacked up early, and in absolutely 0 scenarios are they wearing sneakers thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.

I’m pretty sure one of the last things a guy wants is to make their feet look smaller. You know what they say about guys with big feet… Big socks! No, but seriously… The same way girls try to accentuate certain features — hips, butt, boobs, lips, etc — guys should do the same thing. Although I don’t really know what else they’d try to accentuate other than their bulge in grey sweatpants or their feet? Hands I guess? This was a better theory in my head than in practice. Ignore me.

Moving on.

If there are guys reading this, I know there’s a few, please please please let me know the appeal of the Dad Shoe? I really just don’t understand. Do you genuinely think they look good or are you just wearing them because Kanye told you they were chic? I can’t stand white boys that treat Kanye West as the reincarnation of Jesus himself, but that’s a blog for another time.

 

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