Yesterday, I had the WEIRDEST Twitter interaction of my life…

If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you probably should. I’m hilarious. You can do there here.

KK are you back from reading all my tweets? They’re hilarious, right? I’m great.

ANYWAYS.

So my pinned tweet is a photo set of me at the beach in a bikini and yesterday some random white boy, who I have affectionately named Shim Shady Lite replied to it…he said, in all caps, “OH MAMMA!!!!!! CHEERS!!!!” I’m overexaggerating the exclamation points as you can see, but you get the point. Just an FYI I didn’t blank out his name because this weirdo is public on Twitter, so he brought this upon himself. This is not me telling you to message him hate or anything, he’s just a weirdo.

I didn’t receive a notification from this because I don’t follow my boy Slim Shady Lite, but I check my Twitter almost every five minutes, I’m #Addicted, so I ended up seeing it pretty quickly. I was standing in Target, perusing shelving units like a #Adult, and this white boy is in my mentions trying to get with me? No thank you! I knew I had two options, block and ignore, or stir the pot. In the name of content, I whipped out the hand mixer and started blending that shit. In an attempt to get more out of this wacko, I retweeted it, and said: “I don’t even know what to do with this tweet.” Thus begins our journey.

He replied to my tweet a little while later and called me a ‘loaf of dough.’ This is where my confusion starts. I originally thought he was hitting on me? But now I’m starting to think he’s making fun of me for being fat? Which for the record, doesn’t bother me. If someone I liked and respected made fun of me for being fat, I’d probably be a little hurt, but a random internet troll? I’m not going to shed a tear over this. I knew my stirring hard work, so I decided to stir a little more and see what we could out of him.

I noted my confusion on Twitter, and he replied calling me a slice of pie and that he wanted to eat me up just like the scene in Stand By Me (1986) where the fat kid enters a pie eating contest and everyone ends up throwing up neon purple everywhere… I’ve seen the movie before and I had some idea what scene he was talking about, but I took to youtube to find it anyways. I instantly remembered the horror of watching everyone throw up blueberry pie and tweeted the link out for all of my followers to see, obviously.

The next notification I get from this guy is his response to my tweet about Colton from the Bachelor being a virgin – read the blog here. At this point I feel a little bad, but I’m still super confused as to if he’s making fun of me or trying to bang me. And I absolutely don’t understand the CHEERS! at the end of every tweet???

What happens next, is the worst thing a guy can do. It was so bad I didn’t even acknowledge it. He mansplained the movie Stand By Me. A movie I’ve seen several times, a movie that most people have heard of, a movie that you can easily Google and find the plot of. I don’t live under a rock you fucking nerd.

And then finally there was more comparing me to pie???? I didn’t even realize until this point that people that don’t follow me can’t send me messages. But I opened my DM’s up purely to see if I can get some entertainment out of this. But no word from out bog Slim Shady Lite.

I just truly don’t understand what to make of this. I really can’t tell if he’s making fun of me or wants to have sex with me? I think it’s a little bit of both??? Unsure. I’ll update yall if he ever messages me.