It is literally no shock to the readers of my blog that I think boys are the stupidest creatures on the planet. It blows my mind that they’re allowed to have as much power as they do? Who decided this? I blame Adam.

I know I’ve been sharing my shitty dating experiences, I use the term dating loosely, but I wanted to hear your stories!! Whenever I post, I always get a lot of good feedback and your crazy stories have awoken my writer’s block. Ladies, this one is for you. It’s episode one of Readers Choice here at Celibate and the Suburbs. Buckle your seatbelts ladies, we’re about to go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

The Wingman

This right here is just the perfect example of how dumb boys are. In what world should you kiss someone and then tell them to date someone else in the same breath? Truly the only explanation of this is that he just got some insane insecurities mid-assault and was like woah shit I’m not good enough for this girl, maybe my buddy Chad would be a better fit! At least he’s self aware.

I’m just trying to picture this scenario.

Girl standing at party

Boy walks over.

Boy grabs girl. Boy kisses girl

Girl, kisses back? But girl is mostly just confused and annoyed.

Boy suddenly stops.

Boy looks at girl in the eyes and blurts out, “you know, you would really get along with Boy 2, you should go out with him sometime.”

Girl’s jaw drops

End scene

I can’t wrap my head around how strange this is. It’s not only the worst wingman move, but it’s a bad move to get the girl yourself? I would love to know this guys motivations and goals. If he was trying to get with this girl, he royally fucked up his chances the second he mentions his friend. And if he was trying to be a wingman, he fucked up the second he kissed her. Lose, lose.

That’s it for Episode 1: The Wingman. Tune in soon for Episode 2!

Want to send me your stories? You can message me on Twitter or Instagram!

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