A huge part of being single and 23 are the dating apps. If you read any of my blogs you know that I’m on fucking all of them – let’s pretend it’s all for content purposes. If I happen to fall in love after the fact, it’s all a plus.

I don’t typically use Tinder, but sometimes, mostly after several alcoholic beverages, I crave male attention and getting told I’m pretty so I endlessly swipe. I swear it’s not a coping mechanism.. I’m just mother fucking Tinkerbell.

I always like to check-in, see what the male population in Boston suburbia is up to, see what dumb bullshit they send me. I got a notification that someone named Gerry had sent me a gif. I had never spoken to a Gerry so this one had to be good. I clicked, excited to see what I would be able to post on twitter. But I was logged out? Strange.

I logged back in, only to see this:

Um, esqueeze me. What? Because my Tinder is hooked up to my Facebook, which is a random ass email account from 7th grade (it’s literally my AIM account), I didn’t get an email explaining why I was banned, and Tinder has no appeals process, so I can’t even ask!

This is wack! I’m just a nice girl trying to meet strangers on the internet! Is that too much to ask for?!

After Googling, “I got banned from Tinder help” I found their Community Guidelines, which read as follows:

Our goal is to allow users to express themselves freely as long as it doesn’t offend others. Everyone is held to the same standard on Tinder. We’re asking you to be considerate, think before you act, and abide by our community guidelines both on and offline. You heard that right: your offline behavior can lead to termination of your Tinder account.

I can only assume I was banned for one of the following reasons:

• I did a Tinder swap with one of my friends and she messaged a bunch of guys saying “daddy” – is that harassment? Maybe.
• They thought I was catfishing based on my stunningly curated photos.
• My bio, which read, “I’m even prettier in person (;” made them think I was selling sex.
• Tinder is racist.
• Some white boy read my blog, and was salty AF.

I mean, come ON! How come I get banned, but the guys that try and get nudes out of me don’t? This is bullshit. I’m going on strike. I’m boycotting Tinder!!!! On to Bumble and Hinge.

“But Sarah, you can’t boycott and app you got kicked off of…”

Fucking watch me you hoes. I’m boycotting the shit out of this app. Swipe Left on Tinder! Down With Tinder, Up With Hinge!

I’m being denied my right to fall in love with white boys holding photos of fish. Isn’t that in the Bill Of Rights or something? It’s basically cruel and unusual punishment. I was 2 classes short of a Legal Studies minor, I’m basically a lawyer.

God fucking damn it. Here’s to another confirmation that I will be dying alone.

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