“Girls don’t actually like dad bods” is actually a lie told to you by Big Gym. I love dad bods. The chubbier the better.
GIVE ME CUTE CHUBBY BOYS WITH A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR OR GIVE ME DEATH.
Because I’m a basic ass white girl, a lot of people tend to assume that I like the typical skinny, looks like they haven’t slept in about a week, my thighs could crush them in an instant, white boy. Now, don’t get me wrong – love them. Those boys are great. Cute and nerdy skinny boys with dark glasses? LOVE EM. But my TYPE has always been, and will always be, cute chubby boys that make me laugh.
It is a scientific fact that fat people use humor as a coping mechanism because they aren’t perceived as attractive in their childhood. I’m a classic case of this. I never felt pretty or hot so I used my annoying ass personality and ability to make people laugh to make myself feel okay with myself. It’s why hot people don’t have personalities, they don’t need them! All the best parts of your personality come from your insecurity and need to feel loved and important. I have no scientific data to back that up, but just trust me. Chubby boys are almost always wicked funny and super sweet. I.e.: Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill and Chris Pratt pre-weight loss, Craig Robinson. Does Jake Johnson count? We’re counting him.
Looking back on all of my past big time crushes, all but one in my life were chubby, thic, fat, beefy boys. If you know me well, you’re probably going back through your memories of Sarah talking about boys, I’m specifically talking about the crushes that consumed my entire life when they were happening. And those boys were all adorably chubby and tall.
The personality thing is a HUGE with big boys but ALSO, they make you feel small!! As a 5 foot 9 fat chick, I NEVER feel small in life. I wear size 2x everything and my thighs have their own area code. But put me next to a god damn NFL linebacker and I feel like a teeny tiny pixie. There’s a sort of thrill in knowing a guy is so much larger than you that you can’t really do anything about it. 6 feet or bust? More like 6’5″ and bigger than a truck or bust!!!!!!!! I’m mostly kidding. If he doesn’t shop at Big and Tall, I don’t wanna talk.
Chubby boys will cuddle with you and buy you taco bell and not make you feel bad about ordering 2 crunch wrap supremes and a beefy bean burrito. They clean up nice, and you can wear their sweatpants, and they’ll actually fit you!!! We love all boys over here at Biracial Booty, but chubby boys will always, always, have a special place in my heart.
I don’t know what the point of this blog was other than a love letter to chubby boys. This post is dedicated to Fat Chris Pratt, gone but never forgotten. Thanks for reading, sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while. I’m even more sorry that this is the blog I came back with… LOVE YOU! This whole post started because a came across an absolute HUNK of a man, Zach Miko on Instagram, he’s a male plus size model and I love him so god damn much.
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