If you’re a girl that likes boys, you’ve been through the unfortunate cycle that is matching with a boy on a dating app and them adding you on Snapchat. I might sound like a fucking Boomer right now, but I can’t fucking stand Snapchat. The only reason I use it at this point is to send funny videos to my friends and to post drunk nonsense because it’s the only social media that I don’t have my mom and aunts on. I hate having real conversations on it because, excuse me if I sound aggressive, but FUCKING TEXTING EXISTS. I hate having conversations longer than 2 messages, like just text me, please and thank you.
Snapchatting is just such a force honestly… If I’m snapchatting a guy I like I preferably should be looking cute, for both of our sakes. No bad angles, no bad lighting, hair not looking like I’ve been asleep and just woke up for the first time in 10 years. In the beautiful words of my friend Jess, I’m essentially trying to catfish you. Might as well just call up Nev at this point.
There’s a vicious cycle of snapchatting when it’s with a boy, specifically a boy from a dating app. I have done the honor of making you a very professional diagram of said cycle. I even used a big word. I had to Google how to spell ‘begrudgingly’ but I fucking used it. Now, this cycle isn’t always true, but in my experience, most of the girls that are stuck in the dating app world have encountered this cycle once or twice, or probably a million times.
- Match on the app
- Chat for 1-2 business days
- “I hate using this app, what’s your snapchat?” – Boy
- Girl, begrudgingly, gives her snapchat
- Boy only messages girl on the app
- Girl gets annoyed and ghosts* As noted in the diagram, this last part of the cycle can vary depending on the girl, but almost exclusively is the end of the “relationship”
So what on God’s green earth, in the year of our lord 2020, are we supposed to do to break this cycle? Ladies, we just lie.
My new favorite thing to do when a guy asks me for my Snapchat, after only a few messages or conversations is straight up telling them I don’t have one. You know, like a liar. I mean, I could also just tell them that I don’t want to give them my snapchat, probably would be better in the long run considering if a relationship ever blossomed, I would, in fact, want to add them on snapchat. But you know what, I don’t fucking care. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. At this point in time, it’s much fucking easier to just say I don’t have one than to explain to a boy, who’s main goal is to get me naked, that I don’t want to add them on snapchat for fear that they will only ever snapchat me. Is that a crime?
So that’s it. That’s the whole thing. That’s how we break the cycle. We don’t fucking start it. Ladies, be strong. You can still thirst trap without their snapchat. Instagram stories are just as great for thirst traps, don’t you fucking worry. We stand together, feminism, and all that bullshit.
You know how else we can break the cycle? And by we I mean, boys. STOP FUCKING ASKING FOR OUR SNAPCHATS. Ask for our phone numbers instead, you fucking idiots. I know snapchat feels all sexy and taboo and you might get a nice nude out of it, but let me let you in on a little secret: you can add her on snapchat later. Doesn’t need to be immediate. And trust me, she’ll be happier you’re just texting her. It’s not slow, or lame, or weird, just fucking text her like a normal human. I didn’t think this was such hard concept to grasp, but the entire reason I even wrote this blog was because of one particularly idiotic boy who, after I said I didn’t have snapchat, asked how else we could message.
You’re joking, right? Like this is a prank? At this point, I can only assume my entire dating life is just an elaborate prank being played on me because there is no way in hell that a twenty-five (25) year old man could be this fucking dense. Turns out this one particular guy is of the “looking for a hookup” variety, so it really explains that whole situation, but still. Fucking weird.
Moral of the story, Guys: don’t be a weirdo, ask for girls phone numbers’s not snapchats. Ladies: just don’t fucking give it to them. The end.
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