Hello? 911? This is an Emergency. Tom Brady Is Leaving?

I woke up today feeling sick, not corona, just overtired and nauseous, I had a beautiful plan to take a nap right after my 9am phone call with my boss so I could be alert and fresh for work. That was until I opened up Instagram and the first fucking post I saw was from Tom Brady.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Tom Brady has been in my life for the past 20 years. For those bad at math, I’m 23, turning 24 in a couple months. Tom Brady is one of the most consistent things in my life. He’s won me 6 championships. SIX. To not see him retire as a Patriot makes me so incredibly upset I can’t even begin to explain it.

Is this what it feels like to get broken up with over text?? The last time I felt this empty and broken over someone I didn’t know was when Zayn left One Direction back in the day. March 25th, 2015 will forever live and infamy, and so will March 17th, 2020. God March fucking sucks doesn’t it? When that dude told Caesar to beware the ides of March, I didn’t know we’d have to be worried for CENTURIES.

I legitimately want to cry. I’m shocked I haven’t yet. There’s still so much uncertainty with it. He didn’t say where he was going or what he was doing with the rest of his career, just that his football journey would take place somewhere else. Somewhere else better mean fucking retirement because if I have to watch Tom Brady in another team’s jersey I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.

In this time of doom and gloom in the world, sports had been canceled, I didn’t think they could break my heart. But Jamie Collins and Kyle Van Noy announced that they signed elsewhere yesterday, and apparently, so did Tom Brady, so I kind of sort of hate everything right now. Is this how fans of other teams feel all the time?? Because this shit SUCKS.

Don’t mind me, I’ll be mourning for, oh I don’t know, the rest of my fucking life. God fucking damn it, I love Tom Brady so much and I love the Patriots and I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION. Someone send help, and probably the phone number for a therapist. Are therapists even open right now? UGH.

In the mean time, voting is open for the Middle School BANGERZ Bracket, maybe that will take your mind off the literal hell on earth we’re currently living in… maybe… maybe not.

Vote here. 


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One thought on “Hello? 911? This is an Emergency. Tom Brady Is Leaving?

  1. Pingback: Shedd Aquarium in Chicago Is Doing The Lords Work

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