I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of writing these blogs. Making fun of weirdos on Hinge and Bumble FUELS me. Every time I think I’ve seen it all, some dumb guy slides in and just destroys everything I thought I knew.

This latest entry in the HOF isn’t actually as bad as some in the past, but it’s honestly wicked funny to me. It just is peak stupid boy and really makes me question why on earth I’m a straight female. Straight girls are proof that being gay isn’t a choice.

Starts normal… I really will brag to my friends if you text me back. But then, woop, there it is. He would eat a scoop of ice cream off my butt… First off, seems impractical, my butt is very curved and a scoop of ice cream would just fall right off. Also that’s incredibly sticky and cold, two things I don’t enjoy in substances that are touching my skin, ESPECIALLY on my butt. Who wants a sticky butt? “My tongue is hot” HA HA Incredible. We got a comedian on our hands. Get this guy a Netflix special because he’s full of jokes. I mean you’re kidding right? Sir, no thank you?

The part that makes me chuckle the most is that this interaction, if you can even call 2 messages back and forth an interaction, took place before 9am. It was one of the first things I responded to when I woke up that day. I’m not entirely sure why I decided to respond that early, My brain isn’t even awake until well after 9am, but I did anyways. At least it provided me with some early morning entertainment.

The boldness of men, nay boys, on dating apps never ceases to amaze me. I just don’t understand how someone can have the balls to make that the topic of conversation during the first god damn interaction? I appreciate confidence, but male dating app confidence is a whole separate issue. At this point, they just make me laugh. Fucking idiots, all of them.

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