In typical Sarah fashion, this isn’t an advice blog, this is a cry for help. 

I feel like I’m always getting this question on dating apps, and I never know how to answer. I mean first off, I don’t have a single fucking clue what I want. Some days I want to fall in love and get married and ride off into the sunset, and other days I’m like eh I just want a little attention, maybe a little fling. It varies GREATLY.

The only thing I do know is that I’m not looking to be asked that question on day fucking 1 of interacting. I need to assess you as a person! I think at the end of the day, I’m looking for different things with different people. I mean yes, if I happen to meet the love of my life on a dating app, it’s not the worst thing that could ever happen. But I know that’s incredibly unrealistic… Telling someone that you’re looking for MARRIAGE on a dating app is terrifying? Like if a guy told me that, I’d be like um yeah I am not the girl for you. But I very much could be the girl for you! But it puts so much unnecessary pressure on the situation.

There are some guys that I’ve talked to on dating apps that I very much would not have dated long term, but it’s not the worst that I talked to them for a little while or went on a date with them. I mean, free meal babyyyyy. There are some that I really end up liking, and dare I say, have a crush on. Which is equally the worst and best feeling ever?? Essentially what I’m trying to say is that right now in this very moment, I have no fucking clue what I want. I know three fundamental truths:

• I am a girl that likes attention
• I have not a single clue if I want to get married to a man, but I do know I want to have a wedding. No that doesn’t make sense, but also it does. If you see the above truth, you know I like attention, and weddings are all about the bride. I want that.
• Men are usually trash

So combine these three things and we have learned nothing. What’s the god damn point of all of this? God. My entire brand is wanting a boyfriend but also hating men. It’s a hard line to walk people. Do I actually want a boyfriend? Because sometimes I see couples and want to die, but do I want to die because I’m incredibly single and lonely or do I want to die because I don’t want a boyfriend? WHO FUCKING KNOWS. Surely not me.

I get why you’d want to ask this question. Because you don’t really want to waste your time. But I feel like this is a post first date type of question. It’s almost like a DTR without it being a DTR. Hear me out. If a guy asked me what I was looking for and I said a relationship, and then we started dating and talking and hanging out, he’ll probably assume we are, in fact, in a relationship. But that’s not necessarily what’s going to happen. I may not want a relationship with YOU, but I might want to still date you? Does that make sense? Am I making any sense? Let me tell you, it’s 10am and I’m not sure why I thought my brain was awake enough to write a coherent blog about a mildly complicated topic. Yes, this is a mildly complicated topic.

TLDR: Don’t ask me what I’m looking for, because I don’t fucking know. Just keep chugging along and maybe you’ll find out.

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