I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect Bumble first response for what feels like forever. And unfortunately, I am not any closer to finding us a solution. I hate having to message first, but I also hate the shit that some guys come up with on other dating apps, so Bumble is just this paradox of dating.

On today’s episode, we attempted to use “Am I allowed to uno reverse card this whole messaging first thing?” In true scientific method fashion, I sent it to every single one of my matches the other night, 12 lucky bachelors and only 2 responded. That’s a 17% success rate. A failing grade. And the two that responded were absolute fucking duds of men, so it basically was a 0% success rate.

It begs the question: Am I grotesque and every single guy I match with actually isn’t matching with me on purpose? Or is it simply a terrible opening line?

I know the odds that EVERY man on Bumble accidentally matching with me by accident is extremely low, and I know I’m not actually grotesque. I mean, I’m hot, and the pictures I have on my Bumble are all fucking fantastic, so there’s no way every single match was an accident.

So odds are that the line is just not that funny, or those 10 men simply don’t have a good sense of humor. I personally find the line fucking hysterical, but clearly it did not work out the way I wanted to. I guess it’s back to the drawing board for this one.

If you have any suggestions, or have any lines that work for you please help a girl out, because clearly I’m at a fucking loss.