Cue shock and awe. Cue the hate comments. Sorry, not even sorry a little bit, but I simply do not like Everything But the Bagel Seasoning. It’s simply a jar of seeds mixed with seasoning that you should put on everything anyways. Garlic powder, onion powder, and salt, are the basics people! Plus pepper, but those four are the must haves. No more “salt and pepper to taste” it’s “salt and pepper and onion and garlic powder to taste.”

Seriously, the ingredients on EBTB seasoning are as follows:

• sea salt,
• garlic,
• onion,
• sesame seeds,
• black sesame seeds,
• poppy seeds

SEEDS. Half the ingredients are seeds! Don’t get me wrong, I like sesame bagels, and everything bagels, but in no way does that mean I want to add seeds to anything else in my life. I’m not a bird for christ’s sake. If you enjoy the taste of EBTBS I urge you to please just buy garlic powder and onion powder, if you don’t already own them. But honestly, if you don’t already own those two things, I want to eat nothing that you’re cooking.

I really don’t know what else to say, if half the ingredients are fucking SEEDS, I simply don’t want it. I know those seeds have some flavor, but not enough to warrant and entire seasoning blend, or an entire line of goods at Trader Joes. Everything but the bagel chips? You’re joking right. Just make garlic and onion chips like a normal human person.

God, I just fucking hate it.