You learn a lot about yourself when you ask your friends what they think your ideal type of man is… Truly truly an eye opening experience.

I think everyone has some sort of type. It may not be as specific as mine… But people tend to like people that lean in the same direction whether it’s looks wise or personality wise. And if you have close friends, they will be able to tell you what kind of person you are attracted to. And when you ask them, they will drop several truth bombs and you’ll probably have to take a deep look inside yourself and question everything. Or maybe that was just me…

Like I said… eye opening. The fact that ‘nice to us’ had to be said… The fact that my friend had to make a point to say I like nice men is absurd. The bar is on the fucking FLOOR. NICE GUYS?! I LIKE NICE GUYS!? Yeah I like nice guys, I like men that are nice to me. You’d be shocked to learn that it is very hard to find a fucking nice person these days. Genuinely if you were to ask me what my ideal partner looked like “nice” would probably be the first word out of my mouth, if not the second or third. Everything else (except white male I resent that), is incredibly accurate. Give me a chubby bearded guy with thigh tats (that’s also nice to me) and I’ll lose my fucking SHIT. Make that man 6’4″, oh my fucking lord, I’ll die. Thigh tats are optional, those can always be added afterwards tbh.

There is a lot to unpack here. Let me tell you: there are few things I find sexier than a nice Boston accent. It is a fucking TREAT when you find a nice thick Boston accent. Call me kehd in bed, betch. Boston construction worker types? UGH. Give me a man that wears work pants and has a Boston accent, please for the love of god.

If you know me a Pats fan is a must. Not a 100% necessary requirement, but if you’re going to be with me, I need you to understand that Sundays will be spent watching the Patriots. Also, my family will simply roast your shit if you’re not a Patriots fan, so really it’s for the best.

I don’t like to admit that I like skinny lanky white boys, so hearing this felt a bit like an attack. But you know what, sometimes a white boy smaller than my arm is what I need in my life. They tend to be the ones that like fat chicks anyways. Be the Zac Efron in Hairspray to my Tracy Turnblad please and THANK YOU. Pete Davidson and MGK are really the only guys in this category that I really truly am in love with, but honestly, we don’t discriminate. As Lizzo said;

I like big boys, itty bitty boys
Mississippi boys, inner city boys
I like the pretty boys with the bow tie
Get your nails did, let it blow dry
I like a big beard, I like a clean face
I don’t discriminate, come and get a taste

CHUBB MEN ARE MY FAVORITE. I love large men. This is a pro dad bod blog. I am the face of the dad bod movement. Beer bellys are loved here. Thick thighs? Sign. Me. Up. Is it clear that I’m very much attracted to big guys???? Because I am. I need that to be abundantly clear.

Beards are a must. There are incredibly few times in my life when I find myself attracted to clean shaven men. I genuinely don’t understand why any grown man that has the ability to grow a beard doesn’t grow a beard. It’s life changing. Like why would you not put a beard on your face? It’s makeup for men.

In touch with their emotions was something I was shocked to hear. It’s something I knew I liked about men, but I didn’t realize anyone else had picked up on it. Then again, looking back at the guys I’ve liked, they’re all incredibly emotional… Unsure if this is a good or bad thing? It has gone terribly for me so far, but so has every other male interaction, it’s really a chicken or an egg situation.

Gabby really just hit the nail on the head with this one. I mean, she knows me so incredibly well, I knew she would murder this description. 5.5 inch shorts are a god damn MUST. I mean, come on gentlemen, I want to see your knees, I want to see your THIGHS. Give up the baseketball shorts and give me what I want please and thank you. I feel like man thighs are shit on, but I’m not entirely sure why. They’re truly fucking wonderful. Even in their pale and hairy glory.

I urge you all to text your friends and ask them what they think your type is. It’s a fun lil social experiment, even if it turns in to an attack.