What’s up, what’s up, what’s up??? I just feel the need to kinda just write and go right now, no rhyme or reason to it honestly. Just putting words on paper, or well, on a blog I guess.

It’s been almost a year since the initial Covid shut down started, and I simply cannot even fathom what’s happened in the past year. Just about a year ago I was booking a cheap flight to go to Los Angeles with my friends, going on dates, and getting day drunk in Boston. Fast forward to today and the literal best part of my day today was getting cheap asparagus at Trader Joes… Oh how the turn tables…

It’s incredible to look back and see how naive we fucking were. We were out here booking flights because it was cheap, trying to go to fucking Disney Land… In what god damn world was that a good idea? Like you’re joking? I remember so vividly the day Disney Land shut down and me and my friends being so upset that we couldn’t go, but that maybe it would be open again by the time we got there, the trip was still two weeks away of course.

We all thought it was going to be a quick two week thing. It went from flatten the curve, to we need heard immunity and vaccines in what felt like the blink of an eye. How we’re still in this mess is beyond me. Well, it’s not, I can tell you exactly how we got here, but I don’t have the mental capacity to dive into that right now.

In the past year I’ve learned so much about myself and other people, and really grown more than I think I would have without a global pandemic. If I could go back in time I’d obviously want Covid to never have happened, but the person I am now is so much better, at least I think she is. I think what I learned most is that I don’t need to keep people around that don’t do anything for me. People the don’t bring me up, don’t need to be in my life. Not to say I don’t need acquaintances and midlevel friends, but at this point in my life, I don’t need anyone that brings me down, and the pandemic was a pretty darn good excuse to get out of some of those situations. We get to be so picky and choosy with who we hang out with right now, it’s really only the best of the best. There are plenty of people that I hold near and dear to my heart that I haven’t seen, and I miss them so incredibly much, but there’s also some people that I’m so glad I haven’t had to deal with. What on earth is the point of keeping friends that make you feel like shit? Riddle me that.

At the end of the day, I feel as though I grew into an even more confident version of myself, which is hard to believe if you know me. But more confident in who I am as a person. I’ve been confident about my body for a while, but my personality is something that I’ve always had insecurities with. Now I know that my personality can be jarring, but anyone who doesn’t like it, doesn’t need to like it. Whether that’s people online, men, or friends. If you don’t like it, you don’t need to be here, so bye bitch.

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship breakups this week. It’s something people don’t always talk about, but they’re incredibly fucking difficult. I went through a pretty tough one this summer, and as sad as I was to see a longterm friendship end, I know it’s for the best. I couldn’t be my best self with that person, and it truly was just the end of an era for us. I think we’re both much better off at this point, and we’ll both end up fine, but it was tough. Years of friendship and memories, just gone in a millisecond. This all ties into growing as a person. Growth can be fucking painful, but it’s absolutely necessary.

It’s been a long fucking year. A. Long. Fucking. Year. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, I’m not sure how long the tunnel is, but there’s an end in sight at least. I hope this ends soon so I can shake my ass on a dance floor, and actually go to Disney Land with my girlfriends. So be safe, wear a mask (or two), and get fucking vaccinated when you get the chance.