I mean, I’m the queen of judging boys dating profiles. It’s truly, truly one of my all time favorite activities. I’ve shit on so many profiles on here before, including Hinge Bingo, but more recently I’ve been really thinking about what things make me automatically swipe left on a profile. The things that I see and automatically cringe. Call them red flags, or just things I hate, whatever you call them, they’re the fucking worst. If you’re a guy and feel personally attacked, change your god damn profile then.

Only 1 or 2 pictures

I mean, this makes sense, if I can’t judge what you look like, I can’t swipe right! I honestly just assume the men with only 1 or 2 photos are going to murder me. Like how do you simply not have ANY photos of yourself? Not even some group pictures?? I’d honestly rather you post some mirror selfies, which I hate, but I’d rather that than just no pictures at all!! It makes no sense to me, the entire basis of dating apps are the photos, you need good ones.

All group pictures

In the same vain of no pictures at all, how in the god damn hell do you expect me to know who you are when you only post group pictures? Maybe post one or two so I can gauge how tall you are, or if you have friends or not, but I swear to god if I see one more profile that is all group pictures I will fucking riot.

No bio or answers to prompts

I just… Talk about a red flag. Am I looking to find my husband on Bumble? Absolutely not. But I need you to take it seriously to some degree, and unfortunately that includes answering any and all prompts provided to you. Don’t half ass them either. Show me your personality, because if you don’t answer the prompts I will simply assume you have no personality and are dead as a door knob.

“I’m over-competitive about: Everything”

I hate this. So much. It’s actually my biggest pet peeve on dating apps, and it’s the hill I will die on. I know you’re over competitive about everything because you’re a fucking boy. You don’t need to tell me. I will never swipe right on someone who has this in their bio. I don’t care how hot they are, how tall they are, how otherwise perfect they are, this is the most boring, lame, and basic answer you can fucking give me. Is your entire personality being competitive? No? Then don’t fucking put it in there. I swear to god every single time I see this answer I get a little less straight. Now, if Sedona Prince wrote that on her Hinge profile… That’s another story. I love that mother fucker.

Can’t see your face at all

You’d think this would be self explanatory… But the amount of profiles that are group photos, pictures with sunglasses on, ski goggles and helmets, football or lacrosse helmets, far away sports action shots… IF I CAN’T SEE YOUR FACE I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE AND I WILL NOT SWIPE RIGHT. It’s actually infuriating to scroll through a profile and see that every single photo of them, they are wearing sunglasses. Do boys not know we can’t see their faces when half of it is obscured?! I know they’re dumb, but are they that dumb?