Hey, what’s up hello. It’s me, Fetty Wap. I mean, I haven’t written a blog in so long that that isn’t even THAT implausible. Is implausible even a word? Jesus christ maybe I should just stop writing.

Anyways, I’m kind of blowing the fuck up on BookTok right now, I have over 50K (yes K as in a thousand) followers. Crazy right? And I’ve spent the whole summer reading romance novels, and I’m here to A. Rank them and 2. Give a one sentence review of them. So buckle up, and get your library cards and Barnes and Noble memberships ready, because there are some GREAT books here.

These are in order of least favorite to favorite!

Punk 57, Penelope Douglas 3 Stars but really actually probably 2 Stars

No one should write books about high schoolers having sex with their friend turned bully.

The Goal, Elle Kennedy 3 Stars

I know you can get pregnant from just the tip, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be the plot of a book.

Honey Girl, Morgan Rogers 3 Stars

This is NOT about two women that get drunkenly married in Vegas, it is about a woman having a mental breakdown.

The Summer Job, Lizzy Dent 3.75 Stars

I want to move to Scotland and work as a Sommelier and fall in love with the hot Scottish chef.

Love Her or Lose Her, Tessa Bailey 4 Stars

An entire book dedicated to learning your partner’s love language after knowing them for legit a decade.

Morning Glory Milking Farm, Nascosta C.M. 4 Stars

This is minotaur porn and I’m still recommending it to you. (I’m not weird)

The Belle and the Beard, Kate Canterbary 4 Stars

Sexy neighbors to lovers with a secret past.

The Mistake, Elle Kennedy 4 Stars

Did I love this book or do I love how sweet of a boyfriend John Logan is?

The Score, Elle Kennedy 4 Stars

Did I love this book or do I simply love the trope of non-relationship guys being in relationships?

The Deal, Elle Kennedy 4 Stars

Never in my life have I so badly wished I dated a hockey player at UML…

One Last Stop, Casey McQuiston 5 Stars

Yeah this book had me questioning my sexuality and my desire to have sex on a New York City subway train in the best way possible.

People We Meet on Vacation, Emily Henry 5 Stars

You will want to fall in love with your best friend and travel the world with them after this book.

Neon Gods, Katee Roberts 5 Stars

Hades and Persophone are actually the Gods of voyeurism and I loved every single fucking second of it.

It Happened One Summer, Tessa Bailey 5 stars

This book explores what would have happened if Alexis and Mutt from Schitt’s Creek had worked out and also if Mutt was a crab fisherman. (This book is not about Schitt’s Creek)

Beach Read, Emily Henry 5 Stars

The most beautiful story of grief and anger at a dead loved one, with a sprinkle of a romance with a sexy writer.

Alright, there you have it. My first blog in MONTHS and I’m telling you to read minotaur porn. I’ve gone off the fucking deep end ladies and gents, and I’m not the least bit sorry about it.