I’ve been rewatching Full House, for the first time, well, ever. I watched it on after school every day, but I haven’t really revisited it since then. It’s just as cheesy and funny as I remember, if not cheesier. Something I remember so vividly was how much I loved Uncle Jesse, but what I’m learning now is that Joey is my kind of guy. Yeah, Jesse is hot, he’s smooth, he’s adorable with the girls, but he’s a player at the end of the day. Well, not the literal end of the day because he does in fact get married and start a family of his own, but you know what I mean.
Joey though? Joey fucking Gladstone is a CATCH. He’s cute, he’s fucking hysterical, he’s just as adorable with the kids, and he’s not in fact a player. Would he do a Rocky or Bullwinkle impression in bed? Maybe. But you know what, I think I could get past it. Maybe. At least. But he’s so fucking funny. And yeah, he’s a white guy stand up comedian, which is the bottom of the barrel in terms of white guys, but he’s not a dick so it’s FINE. Most funny guys don’t like funny girls, but I feel like Joey would very much appreciate a woman he can riff with and just make obnoxious jokes with all day every day.
He also has SIGNIFICANTLY better hair than Jesse, in the first season at least. Jesse always talks about his hair and how good it is, but it’s fucking atrocious in the first season. It’s this weird spikey mullet situation, where as Joey has the perfect hockey boy flow.
At the end of the day, I’m newly obsessed with Joey and I will in fact be continuing my Full House binge because what else am I supposed to fucking do anymore??