I’m not sure what got me so riled up about this right now, but I just started thinking about all the people in my life that tell me how much they love my confidence, or how they wish they could be as confident as me. And you know what, it’s such a backhanded compliment. Do you go around telling people like Em Ratta, or Gisele, or Beyonce, or Jennifer Lopez that you admire their confidence? Do we praise them for their bravery and confidence every time they post a bikini pic on Instagram? No we don’t. Wanna know why? Because if you’re thin and “traditionally pretty” you don’t need to be told you’re being confident, because posting a pretty picture of yourself isn’t confidence, it’s normal. But if you’re fat, or just have an ounce of something that isn’t “normal” you have to have buckets of confidence to love yourself.

It’s absurd to think that self-love is such a radical idea. Why the fuck can’t we love ourselves and have that be normal. No matter how much you weigh, how tall you are, or what your skin color is, you should love yourself. I don’t care if I’m not traditionally pretty. Or if I’m not a “normal” size. Fuck traditional. Fuck normal. I don’t want to be either of those things, because normal means blending in. And lord fucking knows you don’t get boatloads of attention for blending in.

Telling a fat girl you love their confidence is basically saying to them “I can’t believe you think you look good with the way you look.” You might not think that’s what you’re saying, but it is. You’re telling them that despite everything they look like they still have the ability to be confident in their own skin, and that is so incredibly fucked up it makes my brain hurt.

I used to love when people told me I was confident. I like that my confidence shines. I still like that my confidence shines and that people notice it, because I refuse to be the kind of girl that hates herself and changes herself to make other people happy. But don’t you fucking dare tell me you wish you had my confidence unless you’re telling it to every single other beautifully self-centered girl you come across. Every single hottie tottie Instagram model. Every single beautiful and thin as a rail girl. But you’re not. Because if you’re typically hot, you deserve to be confident, it makes sense. When you have thighs and a stomach like mine, not so much.

Stop with the backhanded compliments. I don’t care if you think I’m fat. I don’t care if you think I’m ugly because I’m fat. And I certaintly don’t care if you think I would look better if I lost some weight. This is my body. I exist every single day of my life in this body. This body graduated me from college. Its performed in more dance numbers than I can count. It carries me through life every single day, whether I want to or not. I am my body. And my body is fucking beautiful whether you like it or not.